Archive for the 'GAMING' Category

Thanks, But No Thanks, GHOSTS: Why I’m Retiring from CALL OF DUTY

Ghosts logo“The ghosts are real.” My desire to own it…not so much.

As the hype machine gets rolling for Call of Duty: Ghosts ahead of its November release, I wanted to bid a proper farewell to the series. See, I decided at some point in 2012 that Black Ops 2 would be my Call of Duty swan song. I’ve had my fill of killing random people on the internet and I’ve sure as hell put in more than my fair share of hours played, so it’s time to hang up my uniform and my assault rifle, and find a better use of my spare time. I hate to use such a cliché, but I really am getting too old for this shit.

Continue reading ‘Thanks, But No Thanks, GHOSTS: Why I’m Retiring from CALL OF DUTY’

Advertisements

Funny XBOX Live Gamertags (8th UPDATE!)

I’ve been playing Call of Duty online multiplayer on XBOX 360 since October, 2008, beginning with Call of Duty: World at War MP-40. In that time, on an almost daily basis, I come across a gamertag that I think is very cool or very funny. I decided early on that it would be a fun idea to write down the ones I found most amusing, and I’ve been keeping  a file ever since. In that Word file, the names below take up 20 pages. Each one is spelled exactly as it was when I saw it. They are presented in the order in which I came across them, the most recent just a couple days ago. As if any more proof were needed, here is even more evidence that there are some incredibly weird, deranged and oddly creative people out there.

First publication (1/16/11)

DiseasedLeg

Bill Cosbys STD

Tasermeplease

son of mr T

HumpedOwnage

i am me or am i

[BEEF] COMBO PLATTER

IVANA KILU

bedwetter100

SepticGiraffe

BombsAndBabies

dikwithnoballs

DonatedGnome

Next Stop Hell

AHNESTLY

[PHAG]GeorgeDubya2000

MultpleScorgsm

Screaming Hippy

ArrestedAfroman

GoEasyPlz

thoseAREmySHOES

Ivana Hitabong

EDREEDISAMONKEY

ET is a ninja

Geezer For Sale

poor judgment

dumcumpsta

[Yum!]xHAIRYTURDSx

Your Entire Team

ididabeartwice

Obama has myVCR

DEAD BY DEATH

BasicallyLazy

[#VAG]

Mr Killiwiggles

Barack Oprahma

Wombat Nipples

BarryMyDead

Bovine Hero

Tubby Aardvark

FAHQUE YANKS

WhoThrewThePoop

Toilet Steak

Klitler

Sinister Yogurt

FunDeath4u

OUCH OUCH OUCH

Running Jewz

Have A Seat Sir

mywiiwontwork

DoYouNomie

YouDontNomie

AStickyIckyTree

A WETARDED BABY

SeldomButAlways

hey wait 4 me

Deadly Lunchbox

BehavingCarcass

Clear Vomit

HAIRY N SCARY

RigorousLlama

PICKLE N POON

jack family

FATblokeFAT

Mr Killiwiggles

MIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE

FAIL TO ATTEMPT

WALMARTFEET

lotsaaftrbirth

A WalMart Rep

biiiirdman

TommytheTuna

Noobslam

WhammyKablammy69

SrryBoutThtChf

DualityytilauD

VaderWuzFramed

URDADSASTRIPPER

GotCornInMyPoop

MikeLoveNotWar

PumpActionCraka

Nice Nice Bike

EaseUpOffMe

Try N Bann Meh

MessyUnderpants

barfmunch

PooLord

I brought lubE

headshotswilldo

ASSpoundinJESUS

A10FT200LB PUMA

i wii kill you

GENERAL WIGGLES

EPIC SALAD

luv2do daCHACHA

messy SURPRISE

EXTRA SPRINKLES

PerturbedTuna

A BALD BATMAN

SGT DOG PUMP

i GLOCK COMA

BK Value Meal69

ACTUALYISUCK2

Cpt Compassion

Clumsy Giraffe

iJizBombedUrMom

BBK bubbleBUDDY

ooo dansnaked

damnhandsome

A Shady Llama

UnpricedCracker

Religious Milk

EMERGENCYLOTION

cpt underwar

MajorWatsisface

TalkShowOnMute

BigLandFill

SweatyBananas

I Slept Wid You

SlumberyChicken

MEGANFOXLOVE

MiniMcGiggles

CPTNSLAPAH0

GODKILLAAAAAAAA

BUTTERNUGGETZ

ArguingPolecat

Youhaveswineflu

BanginBeaver

Obama is a Tool

SeaworthyCloth

Boomshakilaka

fisty chuawawa

[GAY!] xX SUGARPUFF Xx

[WAN2]CMYPRIVATES

SomebodyOnline

SlumberyChicken

Major Infection

STEROID DUDE

MyForearmsRSick

i am the l o l

BubbleFartz

danthedeathman

Nunchuck Nuts

Roasted Almonds

IKUNGFUFIGHTYOU

WOUNDED WALRU5

SpiderPuke

Megafart

LaughAtMyAim

Pant T Snipher

OPRA4S C4NKLE

GroceryGod

LOOKATU

AsseyFace McGee

GoofyBasket69

dontgetmarried7

Armed Jesus

TootieBubbles

ahomicidalbug

SHUT UP W0MAN

Ouchwhoshotme

HippieHairbag

PeopleAREgame

Groping Orphans

I TRIM THE BUSH

Youalldietonite

SkunkGut

DrSlipperyFists

OMG I GOT SHOT

FilthyGrundel

Muffin Bakery

A SCALY MANFlSH

Baboon of Doom

Slapacrombie

Nice Gamertag

superhugemelons

PLASTICturd

poopngriddles

ItWillWorkOnYou

Smell o Vision

DR Koobersnatch

touchmeillxplod

SlobbinManJunk

StabyMcStaber73

Sushi Epidemic

thatsyass

I SPANKED OPRAH

Shankingchicken

AnAwesomeWaffle

shisedshewas18

B4i4QuRu18

VickAteMyDog

Speaker Pelosi

Like Ten Babies

A Chubby Cat

HITMEREALHARD

AdmiredBarbecue

weed reference

The Friend

big black dad

Filtrated Bread

Sgt Taco Pants

DungHumper

PreferredPear

A Slow Lobster

Something Kinky

HERE 4 WAR

iTackleFatKids

Pillow Thief

MyDogHadKittens

CuteFuzzyBunny

Hugh G Rexshin

Skilled in bed

Pants Destroyer

BatmansBigSnake

ItsSuchADrag

intense pillow

A Paintbrush

COLONELCAPSLOCK

I PLAY MW2 NUDE

HiroshimaSushi

Sad Little Emo

I AM FUNFUNFUN

Death enclosed

Two McNuggets

Smellthynuts

EYEgetSHOTalot

cats r my style

I LolerBATE

LetMeGetTheBomb

DONTSHOOTMEKID

Did You Get Sad

Schnitzelstein

SIX SIX SlX

MANWITHTHEPIZZA

OMG a slinky

johnnybedstain

Thanks Jesus

ContendedPiano

Snipedindabutt

letsgo2theprom

LodgingElephant

DVDcase

Random Hard On

Nuclear Jaguars

RentableUser

FearDaCrayon

NicknamePending

Meet My Hand

Conniving Eagle

Howling Crab

Wordless Scream

Nice Camel Toe

WorriedBurrito

Kookadooski

A MAN CONFUSED

Space Champions

Party Car

DougFromFinance

HelplessMammal

manyshenanigans

Girth Burger

I Fingered Her

Ikillcuzicare

Dieahbeatus

FireproofPig

Selective Gravy

GenocidalPizza

PepperpwniPizza

Glocktapuss

a funny smell

GovernedGorilla

Arm Fetish

[#ME]MY GAPING VAG

A Catholic Pope (as if there’s another kind)

FAT ASIAN GIRL

IHaveTheJewGold

Business Master

Encyclopedia

CenteringBeef

hold my pole

Crapasaurus Rex

A Black2YEAROLD

GraveManager

TheMassNerderer

TENBIGDINOSAURS

iBuckFuffaloes

Napkin of Death

A Baggy Hat

ObscurePurse

LtDanLegs

dudegolong

nestle ice tea

lumpytesticles

an almond

AbusiveSquirrel

AgitatedPigeon

Iam80sSynthRock

A Salt Shaker

All Sham No Wow

icuminursister

DontDrinkDrugs

Ouchdidthathurt

Warpath McGrath

yourMOMSweight

IRAQI DONKEY

DUMPY ACORN

NobleWarHamster

HereEatMyShirt

Zen Maggot

SmallPeopleCan

Why I Oughtta

HappyGiggleFart

BRBgottaKiLL

Leghumpnmidget

Jichael Mackson

Hot tub Monkey

CookiesAreTasty

Chris Tow Furr

Saucy Chap

RACOONBALLS

RacistTacoXXXX

IntensiveDeer

OOH MEGAN FOX

iStillLiveAtHome

Diarrhea Master

Untouched mmmmm

ThisPartyIsLame

XTREMEtourettes

im not a zebra

NoGoodNamezLeft

Have me

Lord Fluffykinz

BilateralJeans

GiantMailman

GEORGE H W BUSH

Howzboutislapya

A Nameless Hobo

Potato Lord

ExtenZe 4 Women

A Tootsie Pop

PUNK IN DRUBLIC

XPOON WIZARDX

Brewed Rat

ObeseJackal

ItsRecycled

A Weird Fat man

A Lone Skittle

Halloween Tree

Stinky Potpie

Dog Judgement

Just my product

DANGER BISCUIT

FatFemaleOver40

Iluvmy401k

INTHEFACEHAHAHA

Jesusisepic

IsThatAPenguin

Enemy Millipede

Mile Long Nips

NameViolation

OMFGnameTaken

Expired Noodles

aDroopyTesticle

Fresh Shelves

OMG itz HIMM

I Love MyBanana

a smelly vapor

WHAMbulance

IDKWHOTOKILL

i die a lot too

Make U Say FML

frolickinghippo

IDIOTforHIRE

i like myself

BWrightSLayer (ßamusing if only because I am a B. Wright)

WhoShotMeNow

ill camp here

ill camp there

Saynotoskanks

Chocolate Asian

SEVENPLYJOYRIDE

GTFO My Pancake

An Irish Waffle

I IZ A PIRATE

Penguin Vomit

XINOSCO3DXJFK (<- A retarded way of spelling “I no-scoped JFK”, which is a hilarious reference if you’re a COD player)

randomfantastic

RapRepRipRopRup

simulatedFUN

illMUNCHurNUTS

ELEPHANT SUIT

BELLY YOGURT

Gooberfart

Pancakez R yum

I Shake Bears

1 800 GET MOWED

TheTittays2

My Toots Stinkk

My 14 Inch Duck

Evilfarthammer

GiganticWaffles

Sweaty Aardvark

KillerStickLOL

WHATS A YOUT

NODAMNDEALS

IFARTTOOMUCH

Mow MY Lawn plz

XBOXwantsmeDEAD

ElitePricecheck

PrebuiltCarpet

An Amish iPod

Olympic Llama

Brianonatoilet

me pick me

I CrucifyKittys

SweatyGenitals

EggRolls4Me

HAHAcrunkHAHA

TECHNOPIDGEON

A Dustbuster

AnOatmealBomb

I KnOw It HuRtZ, Tel Me It Hurtz, It Hurtz So Bad

Twistable Puppy

hughpharted

STAB A PUPPY

jewishWARdemon

STOP ASKIN ME Y

Epic Baby Jesus

U O ME A COOKIE

FOURDIKESONBIKE

ERIKLIKESSNOW

Ashamed Catman

Lvl 99 Jew

Santa Aint Reel

Totaled Ur Mom

ireallysukatmw2

iFlipYourBurger

KILL ME IM BAIT

xPuppyXPunterx

BRBgonetopee

Count BLUNTULA

i like smelling

ChildrenPlease

DIESOCIALISTPIG

Spumhole

ChewyMaggot

GrannysTongue

Fishdeodorant

spritany beers

INHUMANITARIAN

ChiefofChiefing

Bmy L On her Ts

FourUnderPar68

MAN ENTHUSIASM

POLISH SAUSAGE

Hu Yu Fu Ling

Tysons Tiger

PoopTossnApe

Titanium Taco

HaveGunWillFire

WayTooSober

iHatePanicAttax

screwyourwife

turbo jesus

YouAreSumPooPoo

Abalabakubulogu

ObamaLiedToMe

SATANIC WAFFLE

Bombchickawawa

doopaloop

hairy nugnug

Football Teen

Six Old Midgets

I MAKE HER RAWR

That Jewish Boy

NASTYSANDWICH

Giftcard

[THE]Midget Upstairs

BadgersAreGay

stupidliberals

GRINDMYWEEWEE

HappierEar

THE SUSHI MAKER

YoHomesToBelAir

porkisgood

spacebutt

GnomeNibbles

Im Cute/So Cute/U Cute

Wee Wee Baggins

CaringissCreepy

The Best Yoda

MW2 makesme EMO

BillionsOfCats

NOSTRADONGUS

IEATMEXICANKIDS

DEATH milkshake

space whalez

LOL IM RIPPED

OhYesItsMOIST

HALFFRICAN

Bambi Lips

SemiLoyalPet

noobpoop

(First Update – 7/9/11)

DJ Roombahhh

A Kamikaze Baby

WittyPreacher

Baron V0N Pizza

Trmn8JonConner

DOINK DIGGLER

Someone on XBL

Dr Pinch a Loaf

IM NOT OPRAH

Obama is Batman

1800SlapNTickle

Billtheorange

OOGA BOOGA

EWW WHAT SMELLS

URMomIsAWookie

POTBELLYSTUD

strange fail

WherdYourHeadGo

Herb B Verstink

SMD KIM KARDASH

A Gay Pink Pony

PooInMyTurban

G Spot PUNCH

B10off

(Second Update – 12/9/11, post Battlefield 3/MW3 release)

iTz Silly Timez

HuggableJew

PLEEEZSHOOTME

ZebraZombies

No Facebook

Stop Flexing

My Meat Sizzlez

PetterOfKittens

Senor Bananas

BallparkFungus

V0lCaNiC DiaRia

Hobbitpoop

Givaschitt

MedicalHospital

SpandexJustice

GRAB HER B00TY

GET DUMPED ON G

ReallyOldDad

FatChrist Magic

scotchNpancakes

THRUSTYxHIPS

U made me come

JonJingleheimer

xxGODLYWAFFLExx

The Trousers

DamnMyKarma

AHugh Jefincauk

BRBkillingSPREE

IM A DUMB BROAD

SwankyBobzombie

MercilessMaggot

Sticky Spooodge

Fliperoooo

Brock McKickass

GodUsesTheUMP

fartsandpoops

Everything Holy

RebelSansCause

GoGoGoDammitGo

AtomicToast

DustyMummyFartss

His Mail Lover

droopy 4skyn

UltraRightWing

Our Town Drunk

Your new buddy

JerkStoleMyName

GOAT COMMANDER

CatAttackHiss

XL Frodo Feet

Im White Its Ok

PeepsAndPoops

My Bear Handz

SchitzzPoppinov

Fluffybutnotfat

MrTURKEYlegs

MyMomLetsMePlay

WomenxRxStupid

I Bench Ur Mom

Bob the Father

Dave Eats Kids

FestiveDungheap

iRassle Turtles

FTHISNAMEBRO

ChimpNotApansy

funylokinfetus

3rd Update (4/3/12)

BeastlyBlowjorb
AlmightySatan
About 3257 Jews

HideousChild

YourAsianGamer

RacistMailbox

A LONE POP TART

DA KARATE KITTY

Soft PWNography

Some Papers

DemonMilk

ThisIsntCheese

Magic AssBeeds

ThirstyWhiteMan

It Was Close

Daddys Lipstick

LuBed Up LaRRY

Acrustyfartbox

Gayxforxjesus

SqueezeNPoop

DANGGGGGG

Ultra Gay Time

Amish Carpool

SuckMyGlock

Lord Tuki Tuki

lol I Like Cake

RustyFleshFlute

Shovel Justice

HolyCrapThisSux

No MLG Rank

Cussin Cowboy

SsparklesS YAY

MeatyOwlToes

Macgigglebutt69

ELEPHANT LOAD

Goobacca

Blame Hippies

WoWDaViDRaAllY

Panda Pringles

WAITDONTSHOOTT

Babyfood Thief

Jump Pass Jesus

POOKYSNOOKUMS

LOLSandROFLS

LOLBaconStrips

TURDofWONDER9

WorriedOBAMA

xPoonDogg1977x

Bullying Policy

I HUNT FANNY

DaFunktapus

I May Kick You

DynamicClamtaco

FOOTAGE x POOP

xDooDooBUTTERxx

ILL BLAST THEM

Fresh Midgets

DREW P KNUTS

EIGHTEENFATKIDS

FluffyKilljoy

doctor teeth

WET SLOP HOLE

4th Update (1/27/13)

Gobigorblowhome

ROAD HEAD FIRST

AFatWhiteSniper
InterracialPond

ITCHY PAUL SACK

Chris Loves XP & Gerry Hates XP

WellHellsBells

Cyanide Slushy

Im White YAY

PETEY BANANAS

WhenHobbitsKill

I Squat 2 Pooh

HUGS N RAINBOWS

CatsOnRainbows

SocksAre4YoFeet

Loads of Toads

TheMayorsOffice

AFRICAN SMILE

MR MC LAGGY LAG

amazingoffers

Those Chickens

a good beating

PsychoticWisdom

OMG  imgona POOP

[JUST]A angry joo

Zombies8myhmwrk

xTHIS BLOWSx

ForgottenFATMAN

Yucky Diaper

anonymousgoo

SallysPartyDip

JudasDAsnitch

KrustyBooger

Poopynewb

ImNOTaFngHippie

ivesaidmypiece

nicks mediocre

kevins meh

I luvCOLOREDppI

myponywillkillu

Nice Teeth

Flopalapagous

VeryColdFreezer

OneCynical Mofo

IKNOW I HIT YOU

aCRUNCHYgSTRING

Gaping FartBox

SUQAMADIQUE

A Lifeless Dog

Noob With Crabs

5th Update (8/6/13)

Mr Derp Herpson

Clean White Boy

SurpassYourAss

ZombieHump

Respectedfart

PassMeABeerDude

Nurs1ngHomeFire

LESBIANburrito

OK BLOKE BOOM

iOnlyDefuseOnce

Wienerwinkle

Hugh Chardkock

StopFiringAtMe

GOOSE POOP 4U

ExplosivePelvis

I AM REX RYAN

A Dirty Sink

Value Worry

WhoooWhat

ChewingTabacker

Its No Yoose

Inn Your Mouth

ILIKE2TAKEDUMPS

Dress Proper

Stinky Underarm

White Adults

Oh Man You Died

OceanSprayDrink

Im Busy Friday

baconraped

TibbleTot

Black Mail Me

omgOPRAHisFAT

DarthIsLukesDad

Please Be Quiet

x LETS KISS BRO

R U PROUD DAD

Abandoned Jeep

Sgt SlappyNutz

ThudButt

Spy C Wiener

DISASTROUSLUCK

CaretoElaborate

PCEaSHT

XBoxMakesMeLazy

Now Say Ahhh

C4 3 2 1 BOOM

PeeInRiver

Earlessjackass

hereholdmysack

What is a book

Hiring Now

lTimmytuffnutsl

Valid Coupons

My Bigtoe Hurts

Get Some Help

The Jews Won

SomethingSmells

Old Hairy Poop

RemoveUSBSafely

A FREAKING FLEA

TheTacticalButt

EATyourFACEoff

SaucyBlackWomen

StupitHobbitses

Cinnamon Trolls

Juicy Voices

omgBACONATORomg

MAGGOT BRAIN

PoopinBulletz

bearslovepie

WTHisthisWTF

6th Update (4/26/14)

note: since I’m done with Call of Duty, the majority of these are gamertags I’ve come across during my adventures on Grand Theft Auto V.

Mating is Hard

Wafflesinyoface

fartingfootball

My Evil Scheme

Lag Saves Lives

DudeJustHurdle

[in] Smell o Vision

Default Class

Only Hitmarks

I ARE DERPY

SaucySnausages

Guided by Satan

JimRomeHasDowns

TittieSprinkle3

MyNameIsGoggles

Pierre Smells

POOPIE TROUSERS

Boxes Scare Me

HairyDiksNyaBut

EatchaBrainz

ALewdSpaceWhale

I Consume Poop

An Erect Stick

The Murder Pony

TryHard Tuesday

FlungPooAtYou

Cute Voices

Klitortoise

DynamicVagBlast

MoldyNutCheeses

MayorMcTurd

McDonalds Salad

ManPartsMangler

Racoon Farts

VICIOUS ASSNOTE

YawnYourBoring (though I’d like to kill this dude for his grammar)

MARCH 5TH 1999

UrAllBetterNMe

Y U NO BOOMBOOM

DisturbinglyODD

AmishDanceKing

AssCandles

Superb Backhand

aBUCKETaBALLS

What are cows

Kinda Guitarded

LowCalorieSnack

Im GoInG TO PS4

KnifinIsAHabit

the cat is fat

the dog is fat

American Jobs

Avoid Blacks

The Gender Gap

Waffle Dipper

Oreos Love Milk

Certified Negro

English Essays

Pregnant Cow

cookin eggs

HavUrMomCa11Me

ImADuckOnQuack2

Michael Recycle

LotionOnTheFace

oldschooldonut

oldschoolbagels

YesImReallyFat

Feed Africans

AmishDanceKing

Love 80s Music

ShwtyhasAcookie

Algebra Final

AUTHORofdaBIBLE

7th Update! (12/5/14)

EverybodyImBack

DrunkenDonuts

I SEE YHUE

Cheat Toes

Oh Look A Door

UrfavoriteNword

Tuesday Again

BigChapStick

Stop Farting

NUKEULAR FORCE

nice job brah

I Bench My Dad

Cant Find My C4

I WILL ADD YOU

AOL Account

ThyFartIsMrdr

HardBangedANUS

Oprah Is My Dad

I Have Cramps

Stalking Her

My Arabian Nips

The Gay Gazelle

kickagrundle

Manly Meat Lump

Ellemennopee

InsertUselessGT

Weekly Trash

DJ Yolo Cancer

A Level 80 Shoe

BRO DID U FART

MY CHEESY PUFFS

lord fizzlebutt

TheAppForThat

Is It A Carrot

Hitdatassatnite

Art Thou Livid <— this may be my new all-time favorite

Against Bieber

NEW! 8th Update (12/19/16)

(Most of these are from the Battlefield 1 era, with a little GTAV to boot. I remain happily retired from Call of Duty, which appears to be a better decision with each new silly installment.)

DurexVarietyPac

UHHHoooooooooh

LOOK ITS A CAKE

Emojiologist

xMrStealYoWifi

A Floppy Nut

DONT NECK ME

I Miss G W BUSH

I MISS BUSH SR

MUCH FEAR IN U

GotHeeeeeeeemmm

His Fear Is Luv

China Will Fall

When bae is mad

Lol 0 Kills Bro

Nice Father

TENxITEMSorLESS

BACKUPOFFMYASS

Freshandsmelly

YOITSMEH

YourTwerkingMom

Try a Klondike

DONTstealMYcash

Nice Memes Kid

NikNacPattyWak

So White I Glow

AKA ya RealDad

Can You Whip Me

IfItsNerdItsMe

Fite Meh

Neopolitan Nips

LatinTRANNY

IT BURNS WHEN I

Guy on Wall St

WertheBLKgirls

it was the weed

Bacon Satisfies

WHOMP an CHOMP

STINKYDUMPSTER

Yes its Slob jr

poopskadoodles

IntenseMeatSlap

SNOOP LION LOL

KoalaFied Agent

HEDSHT4HARAMBE

CLUBBINGBUNNYS

GtfoMyLawnBro

Sir Crayon

Harambes Neck

Harambes Noggin

Boo Cawky

SponsoredbyOreo

Now Trending

FatAmericanKids

FatTryhardNerd

xBANmyGAMERTAGx

BIG UPDATE (8/26/13):  I just finished and posted a blog on here about my retirement from Call of Duty. Yup, once I’m done with Black Ops II, I’m calling it quits. No Ghosts for me. I’ve had enough of killing people on the internet. If you enjoyed this list of gamertags, click on this story to learn about my history with the COD franchise: Thanks, But No Thanks, GHOSTS: Why I’m Retiring from Call of Duty.

And here’s a few random Theater Mode clips of me playing Black Ops:

First up, an epic carpet bomb that kills every single member of the opposing team (6 kills):

A gorgeous rainbow frag kill:

And here’s a sick hail mary frag triple kill:

Some sweet, cinematic Valkyrie action:

A hilarious semtex kill on some oblivious noobs:

Mano-a-mano with rocket launchers. The other guy misses, I don’t:

The case of the floating semtex:

I wish I had done some of these for MW3. Maybe I’ll do a few before BlOps 2 comes out.

Things I’m Wondering

This is sort of a sequel to my “Things I Find Disturbing” post. I’ll admit the world often confuses me. People confuse me. It makes me wonder…

I’m wondering why most British actors can do perfect American accents, but the only American who can do a decent British accent is Robert Downey Jr.

I’m wondering why “I couldn’t care less” and “I could care less” mean the same thing. Seriously. This makes no sense. Couldn’t care less is cut and dry. You could not care less. Zero concern. No room for confusion there. But if you could care less, which inherently means you care a little, how is that the same as not caring at all? These are the things that keep me up late at night. That, and the voices.

I’m wondering why the word “employee” has become taboo. Now, if you work somewhere, you’re an “associate.” Is this a politically correct thing? Because that would be really stupid. Is it meant to give employees a higher sense of purpose? Because It doesn’t. Personally, I refuse to call myself or anyone else an associate unless you’re working at a law firm. You know what, giant retail chain, instead of giving me a new label, how about paying me and everybody around me properly for the work we’re doing instead? I’ll gladly denigrate myself and be your “employee” for another buck-fifty or two per hour. How about staffing the store properly when it’s busy instead of being deliberately cheap, and then acting surprised when customers walk out the door because they aren’t being helped. Oh that’s right, it’s OUR fault when that happens. If you expect fewer people to do more work and get the same results, you’d better incentivize them to buy in by paying them for the extra work that’s expected.

I’m wondering when the federal law was passed that requires all athletes to wear Beats by Dre headphones as they enter the arenas prior to their games. They’ve literally got 100% of this market.

I’m wondering what the endgame is in Afghanistan. It’s fairly clear now that the Afghan people WANT to be ruled by someone like the Taliban. They don’t care about freedom, because really, what is there in that country to aspire to have if it even was a democracy? They have no self-discipline, and they have not the desire to acquire it. I hate calling what we’re doing there a “war”, but if we’re to call it that, our presence in Afghanistan is now the longest “war” in American history, and by all accounts, only once have we been seriously close to our objective (capturing or killing Osama bin Laden and the al Qaeda/Taliban leadership)…and that was in December, 2001. We’re at almost 10 years of having no fucking clue where these people are.

What’s the solution? If I had the perfection solution, I’d have a government job and be making a lot more money than I am now. However, the reason I’ve supported staying there for so long up to this point is the same formerly logical reason we’ve been given by our military commanders and two most recent Presidents; if we up and leave, the Taliban and other terrorist forces will seize the country again, it’ll become a breeding ground for terrorist activity, and eventually a staging ground for future attacks against the U.S. Well, I’m at the point now where I’m willing to say, “Fine. Let them try it.” Their success rate wasn’t that good prior to 2001, and it’s been even worse since. And oh by the way, if we leave, the Afghan people will be oppressed again. Can I say now that I don’t care? I care no more about them than I do about Egyptian freedom. Guess what? If you live in fucking Afghanistan, you’re oppressed by default. IT’S AFGHANISTAN. There are certain places in this world where human civilization was not meant to thrive. That’s one of em. Afghanistan is a mountain range, not a country. Let the terrorists use that barren wasteland to train on their jungle gyms and run around with AK’s. We’ve given the Afghan people enough of a chance to assert themselves and to form a responsible government, and they’ve thus far shown no collective desire to make that happen. Sigh…let’s face it, folks, there’s just never gonna be a Wal-Mart in Kabul. That’s the sad truth. Simply, it is now as it was prior to 2001…not our problem. The U.S. is not solely responsible for making life better for all people across the globe. We haven’t yet been able to give even close to 100% of our own population an overall high quality of life, so where does this arrogance come from that says we should attempt it 10,000 miles overseas? <– At the cost of thousands of American lives and billions of dollars, both of which would be better spent on American soil.

I saw this sickening statistic the other day that in 2011, at current pace, we’d spend more than $107 billion on Afghanistan. That equates to $293 million a DAY. That is unfathomable. We already know we’re spending too much money in general, so there’s yet another fantastic reason to get the fuck out of there. Save lives, save resources, and save money. The more I see of the rest of the world’s “desire” for freedom, the more of an isolationist I become from a national security standpoint.

Yes, my will to “stay the course” in Afghanistan has been broken, and to be truthful, I only wish I’d come to this realization years sooner. I admire the people (some of whom are people I know) who were saying this from the outset. It’s difficult to admit my error in judgment, but I’ve seen no viable progress, and 2010 was the worst year yet for American casualties in that country, despite our newfound “resolve” in putting even more troops over there. The blunt fact is that nation building is a waste of our fucking time, money, and manpower. We’ve got a big enough nation of our own that needs serious reconstruction. It’s high time we let other countries build, rebuild –or, if they so choose- destroy themselves. I believe we should continue covert operations in Afghanistan and into Pakistan to try and locate and destroy the inner network of our enemies, but we are not responsible for the well-being of every single person living within the borders of the countries that these a-holes operate in. I challenge Barack Obama to have the courage to stand up to the military bigwigs and use his Constitutionally granted powers to get our troops the fuck out of Afghanistan once and for all. And don’t leave behind a giant base or new embassy. And don’t leave 50,000 troops behind just because. Just. Fucking. Leave.

And if one of the things deterring the decision to leave is pride, then GET OVER IT. So what if they outlasted us? So what if they ran out the big bad Soviets and now the big bad Americans? We’ll be bringing our troops back home to the United States of America. If the terrorists want to brag about “beating” us, just walk away with your middle finger in the air and give em this one-liner, “Yeah, but you’ll still be living in Afghanistan. See ya!”


No end in sight. No hope to be found. No reason to stay.

I’m wondering why every media market has a radio station named KISS FM. It’s not THAT great a name. Really, it isn’t.

I’m wondering who it was that asked for a third Big Momma’s House movie. We really don’t need to give “Thief Cop” Martin Lawrence any more reason to continue acting, do we? NOT EVERY MOVIE THAT GETS A SEQUEL NEEDS TO THEN BECOME A FUCKING TRILOGY!!! Blame comic book movies for this trend. Honestly, when was the last time a movie franchise stopped after part 2? It doesn’t happen. And nowadays, the third movie is usually greenlit before the second movie even comes out! If you have an even moderately successful movie, and you can get a sequel made, you can probably get a trilogy. And then, even when your third movie bombs creatively and/or financially, you can wait 5 years, then convince some moron that a 4th movie is a good idea, too.


This is happening…whether you like it or not.

-After finally seeing The Room, I’m wondering what friggin nationality Tommy Wiseau is. Every bio I can find of him says he’s American, but does anybody believe that? Listen to him! He sounds like he was parented by Arnold Schwarzenegger and Christopher Walken. Nobody knows anything about this guy prior to 2003. I think he was just spawned into existence by Satan with the script to The Room, and was told to cast the first 6 people he saw. I know one thing; Tommy Wiseau was not born in America. It’s not true. It’s bullshit! He was not born in America. He was naaaaaht.

P.S. I’ve had The Room Soundboard open as a tab in Firefox for 4 straight days.


What are you?

I’m wondering when the first really good or great movie of 2011 is going to come out. I really hope 2011 isn’t 2009 all over again. We’re mid-February now, and my ballot for next year’s awards contenders is still blank. Granted, the only actual 2011 movies I’ve seen are No Strings Attached and The Green Hornet, and there are a couple movies out now (Just Go With It, The Eagle) that I’m curious about, but as each day passes, I’m thinking more and more that those can wait a few months til they’re on Netflix. I’m not going to see Sanctum (in 3D or otherwise), I Am Number Four (which looks awful), or the mothafuckin Justin Bieber movie. Last year at this time, we’d already gotten The Book of Eli and Shutter Island, which both ended up with multiple Biggie nominations. I’ll go see Unknown, but I’m not expecting anything from it. I’ll see Drive Angry (not in 3D), but only because I can’t resist the chance to see Nicolas Cage go insane again (and Amber Heard is supahot). Hall Pass looks amusing, but again, that’s probably a wait-for-Netflix (the Farrelly Brothers‘ movies are less visually interesting than a Kevin Smith flick, if that’s possible, so why see it in theaters?). It looks like it’s up to The Adjustment Bureau or Sucker Punch to be the first movie this year that I actually love, but neither one is a sure thing. Sadly, the advance buzz on Sucker Punch has not been good, but I will keep the faith. The pressure’s on, Zack Snyder! Regardless, 2011 has a lot of work to do in March and April to make up for this slow start.


Save me, Matt Damon & Emily Blunt!

I’m wondering when Matthew McConaughey is finally going to realize his full potential and focus on roles worthy of his talent. This man needs an Oscar nomination, dammit. I want A Time to Kill McConaughey back. I want Contact McConaughey back. I want Amistad McConaughey back. I want U-571 McConaughey back. And yes goddammit, I want Reign of Fire McConaughey back. Why do I randomly bring this up? Because Ghosts of Girlfriends Past is running almost nonstop on HBO right now, and if I’m flipping channels and I see it, I always end up watching about 30 random minutes of it, mostly because of the charming way McConaughey carries the film. I’m reminded of why I like him so much as an actor and how much I miss him being in great movies. He’ll be 42 this year (yikes), and after wasting almost an entire decade in completely forgettable movies, it’s time for him to stop doing romantic comedies once and for all and put his talents back to proper use. He’s a likable guy, and I think audiences would enjoy seeing him headlining good movies again. I think The Lincoln Lawyer looks interesting, but it’s probably just a small step in the right direction. I don’t know if it’s him or his agent who thought it would be a good idea to try and turn him into Mr. Romance, but somebody needs to start making sure he sees some better scripts, and soon. He needs another breakthrough part, be it in a lead in an indie film or a strong supporting part in a big studio drama (if “studio drama” isn’t an oxymoron). More than that perhaps, I think he needs a really good director to believe in him enough to give him a part that might otherwise be going to any number of other trendy leading men.

A Time to Kill in particular holds a special place in my heart. It opened in July of 1996, a month after I first began working at General Cinema in Framingham, MA. I was 16, and I must have seen it 3 times (hooray free employee movies!). It was one of the first pure dramas I ever saw at the theater. One of the things I remember coming out of it the first time was wondering who the hell this Matthew McConaughey was, because I’d never seen him in anything prior, and I thought then (and still do) that he was brilliant in the film. Turns out, most other moviegoers were just then discovering him, too. I still think he has the look and the range of talent to do just about any good role, and here’s to hoping he agrees, and cares enough about his craft to make it a priority going forward.


Still one of the best-delivered monologues I’ve seen in a movie.

I’m wondering when MTV is gonna realize there are more interesting things to put on TV than people drinking, partying, arguing and trying to have sex. Those are the 4 pillars of MTV programming. Not that I actually care per se, but admittedly Jersey Shore is a guilty pleasure of mine, and they seem to have lost their way this season with regards to what they think we as the audience will find interesting. It also annoys me because every other MTV show they advertise on Shore is people doing nothing but one those 4 things (sometimes several of them simultaneously). Personally, I don’t need 50% of each Jersey Shore episode to be about Sammy and Ron, the single most annoying, non-violently destructive relationship in the history of earth. Why are you showing us this shit? Because it’s not entertaining, and neither person is likable while they’re having these stupid, unintelligent, endless arguments. If we’re watching two people on TV, and they aren’t entertaining, and we don’t like either of them…that’s BAD TV, a-holes. There is NOTHING redeeming about them. I could rant about this for an hour, but I’ll digress for my own sanity. Let’s just say I hate relationships where it’s plainly obvious the two people aren’t meant to be, and both of them know it but won’t act on it. I hate it when people refuse to end shitty relationships because they somehow enjoy being miserable and making everyone around them miserable.

Anyway, on season 3 right now I’m having fun trying to see what’s going on behind the scenes and how they try to edit around the fact that these people were full on celebrities when they taped this part of the show last summer in Jersey. Every now and then you catch funny stuff in the background that they can’t hide, like the huge crowd that just sits and waits outside the t-shirt shop while they’re inside “working.” It’s hard to see, but in a couple shots you can tell the police have a whole section of that boardwalk roped off so the store doesn’t get overrun with fans. And almost every time they show the cast leaving the store, you can hear people yelling at them in the background. Must have been nice for business (for those who don’t know, that dude who owns the t-shirt store also owns the house they stay in). Their fame was most easily seen when literally a thousand people were watching Snooki get arrested on the beach. Most of the time that’s just a passerby event where you’d see a few people rubbernecking, but if it’s a Jersey Shore cast member being arrested AT the Jersey Shore, that’s the most important thing happening there that day. A lot of people find Snooki endearing, but I for one hope her 15 minutes of fame are over with first among this crew of reality celebrities (whatever that means). Let’s face it, she has absolutely nothing to offer the broader world, and making a living being dumb is nothing to be proud of or aspire to.

I dunno, it just seems like this season, MTV has tried to make things a little too serious, when all most of us want to do is laugh at these people. Jersey Shore is a comedy, and MTV needs to realize that as they move forward with the show (which they are, as they plan on sending the cast to Italy in season 4). The funniest, most likable guy in the house, Pauly D, is now merely a supporting player. One more thing, MTV. How in the bombastic fuck are you STILL not shooting this show in HD?! It’s the biggest show in the history of the network, and we’re stuck having to watch it in 4:3. It’s 2011, guys. Even reality shows are shot in HD now. Spend the money and buy some goddamned HD cameras. Jesus. That said, feel free NOT to shoot Teen Mom in HD. In fact, feel free not to shoot it AT ALL.

I’m wondering how long it will take Bill Belichick and the Patriots to annoy me piss me off at the upcoming draft by trading away that Raiders’ first-round pick (#17 overall). No doubt they’d try to turn it into one or more second round picks NEXT year, which annoys the piss out of most Patriots fans. As always, I hope they keep that pick and use their own first-rounder (#28) as well. I like that they’re able to stockpile picks so well year after year, but I’m also on the side of those who believe the team needs good players NOW, not next year or the year after that. In this draft, I also wouldn’t be opposed, if they so choose (which they almost certainly won’t), to using both first-round picks to trade and move up into the top 10. If I recall correctly, the Pats have 7 of the first 100 picks, which is excellent in theory. But it’s only relevant if they actually USE them.

My longstanding theory is that the Patriots must cash in their chips now, while Tom Brady is still in his prime and while Belichick is still viable as a coach and has his wits about him (aka before he gets too old). Because once either of those two pieces falls, it’s likely the whole damn thing as we know it collapses around them. The Patriots need good players now, because it won’t fucking matter if we have the #1 defense in the NFL 5 years from now once Brady is old or gone, and the Pats are like two-thirds of NFL teams and back looking for consistency at the quarterback position. Unfortunately, the time when Brady isn’t MVP caliber is on the horizon, and coming sooner rather than later. And unless I’m missing something, they aren’t grooming an Aaron Rodgers-level heir to the throne like the Packers were able to do (sorry, Brian Hoyer). To that end, they need to surround Brady with as much talent as they can now while they’re still an elite franchise. That seems like common sense to me, but the moves the team makes don’t always support that logic. Having a bunch of nobodies on both side of the ball who overperform is all well and good, but from time to time, you also have to add players with elite talent to go along with the 97 role players. We need people who can make big plays when they need to be made, on offense and defense.

I don’t know much about this draft class, but I do know the Patriots’ needs. Their first priority has got to be a pass rusher, either at defensive end or outside linebacker. I’m tired of seeing our secondary picked apart because opposing QBs have all the time in the world to make a decision. I believe their second priority should be a deep threat receiver, preferably someone 6’2″ or taller. Yeah, we survived getting rid of Randy Moss, but once the “death by a thousand cuts” passing game was completely shut down by the Jets at the worst possible time, we again were shown how important it is to have that deep threat if you need it. In my dream world, they’d use some of their high picks and trade for Andre Johnson or Larry Fitzgerald, but sadly I think there’s a better chance I’m hired as Patriots GM than there is of either of those trades happening (even if it makes sense! Which it does! Argh!).

And once the CBA is dealt with, they gotta stop fucking around with Logan Mankins and SIGN his ass. Give him the goddamn money. He deserves it. Again, so long as you’ve got Tom Brady at MVP skill level, you need the best players around him that you can get. And that starts with the offensive line that’s protecting him. Mankins is one of the top 3 guards in football. You don’t let that get away when you have the money to spend to keep him. Enough with the franchise tag crap and sign him long term. Brady isn’t like Ben Roethlisberger and Michael Vick, who can make up for a shitty o-line by escaping pressure with their feet and throwing on the run. Brady can’t do that, so you MUST keep the offensive line as strong as possible. To that end, offensive line is the third and final major priority in this year’s draft. Pass rusher, deep threat receiver, solidify the o-line. That’s what I’m trying to do if I’m Bill Belichick. Only problem is, I’m not Bill Belichick.

-I know no one wants to hear this, but if I get it off my chest, I’ll feel better…and that’s what counts! I’m wondering why it takes twice as long to get over being sick as it does to BE sick. 2 weeks ago, I got sick for 5 days, and I’m now on day 9 of coughing and spitting and sneezing up the dead remnants of that sickness in the form of nasty globs of mucus. I’ve had enough! End it! Like I said, I’d take two or 3 sessions of puking this shit up in one day over 10 days of slowly getting rid of it. This also gets me to wondering…at the peak of your illness, how does your head contain all this nasty shit? I’m sure there’s a medical explanation, but until I hear it, I’m going with my theory that while you’re sick, your brain shrinks so that your head can fill up with mucus. This explains why you can’t think straight and have no creativity while you’re sick. Your brain is only large enough to allow you to perform the basic functions of life. This makes perfect sense to me.

I’m wondering how Dustin Pedroia continues to play baseball so well at age 45.


Pedroia at Red Sox spring training this week with a frightening combover.

If YOU’RE wondering why there still isn’t an NFL team in the second biggest media market in America, ESPN Los Angeles did an excellent feature on the efforts that have collapsed since the Raiders and Rams left town, and the two primary ownership groups now who are bidding to bring National Football League football back to that horrid sports town. A very interesting read. [ESPN LA]

There you have it. 15 random things I’ve been pondering. Like the “Disturbing” list, I’ll add to this one as time goes on and the world continues befuddling me.

Before we go, if you’re one of the 15 people who didn’t see this earlier this week, I’ll share it again. Behold, the brilliant teaser trailer to the upcoming zombie video game Dead Island, a game I’d never heard of until I saw this trailer, but one I’ll be very interesting in keeping tabs on going forward. I’m still trying to find out who did this beautiful music and whether or not I can acquire an mp3 of it somewhere.

CAPTAIN TEK WANTS

YOU

To report for duty.

It’s baseball season, bitches.


Manny Who?

ADRIAN GONZALEZ REPORTING.

 

-Now that I’ve figured out how to post audio on here, I’m gonna include some recommended listening on each post, to show off my varied taste (or lack thereof, depending on your own tastes) in music. This time around, it’s a great track of the newest Kings of Leon album, Come Around Sundown, and it’s called “Back Down South.” Have at it.

As you get older…(feat. Drake)

Editor’s Note: This post does not actually feature Drake. But if the false advertising attracted a few more readers, I win.

I’ve noticed in the last couple of years how I’ve changed as a person in certain areas as I’ve gotten older. Part of it is your natural maturation process, but the second big factor for me has been watching younger people making the mistakes that I’m not making anymore (and some that I never made in the first place). I’ve always known the person I wanted to be, but as you get older you are better able to make your actions back up your intentions, in large part because your priorities shift. I often notice now the differences in behavior between people in their early 20’s and people my age, and it makes me thankful not to be older, but to have the wisdom now to be able to control myself and make better decisions.

I find that wisdom manifesting itself now as a much better ability to control my emotions. The key to this is to simply follow your own good advice. In this case, it’s “control your emotions, do not let your emotions control you.” And that’s such a common, simple expression, but it’s true! The problem is that most people don’t have the discipline to put it into practice. With a few exceptions, anything that pisses you off in this life can be overcome with just a bit of patience. Almost all emotions dissolve over time. It’s just a matter of what emotion you’re trying to get rid of. For instance, it obviously takes longer to get over a longtime love than it does to get over one of your sports teams losing a big game. Anger is not something that you need to get rid of immediately, be it through a vengeful act that may harm others, or a reactionary act that may cause you to harm yourself. For example, when I get really pissed, 9 times out 10 (okay, maybe 8 times out of 10) I don’t kick or punch or throw anything anymore; for two reasons, 1) whatever I’m pissed at isn’t worth the potential of breaking your bones (and the time it will take for your body to heal), and 2) it’s not worth breaking yours or somebody else’s property (and the cost it will take to fix or replace it). Not that controlling my anger was ever a serious issue, but now it’s pretty much a non-factor. You will simply not feel as bad about most things that piss you off just a few hours or days later. At the very least, if you take a step back and wait, you’ll have a clear head, and the raw emotional desire you have for immediate satisfaction will have worn off, or at least subsided to the point where you can make a rational decision about how best to respond. When you’re pissed off, you rarely think, you just DO something in response. Right? Well, I prefer to think, both about the best course of action and the consequences something I do will have on everyone and everything around it. Let the other person be the one to do something stupid.

A perfect example of rationality besting emotion was this past Sunday. Following the Patriots devastating loss to the Jets, I had a bunch of immediate reactions that I wanted to spew into the world. I was emotional, and that emotion was desperate to manifest itself with hateful words and drastic action. But I knew better. I knew that even a couple days later, that emotion would subside and I could speak rationally on the subject. Truth is though, I don’t want to talk about the game. There’s no point anymore. I know why they lost, and don’t feel the need to make myself feel worse by discussing it further with anyone else. I’ve read some stuff online and listened to some Boston sports radio discussion on it, but I haven’t watched a minute of ESPN all week. If I watch even half of the AFC Championship Game tomorrow, I’ll be surprised. There will be only two people on that field that I like; Troy Polamalu and Mike Tomlin. The only Super Bowl result that will even mildly please me is if the Packers win it. I don’t want the Steelers winning their 7th. I don’t want Roethlisberger tying Brady for rings, and the thought of the Jets winning after talking all that shit all year rots my skin. What kind of world do we live in if scumbags like Ben Roethlisberger and pretty much everyone on the Jets are rewarded with a championship after being such bad people and poor sportsmen? It’s not a world I want to live in.

However, out of the Patriots loss I did learn one lesson, and putting it into action, I will be less excited about success in the regular season going forward, because when all of that joy and confidence can be taken from you in one 3-hour period in January, you feel pretty damn stupid about wasting September thru December being so hyped up about the possibilities and the chances of another Super Bowl appearance or win. I will be less emotionally invested in the games next year, because I’m tired of being let down. It’s simply not worth it. It’s not because I love the game, the players or the team any less. I just refuse to get that emotionally involved over something I have no control over. It’s not logical. It’s not sane. My policy for next season will be, Wake me when they’ve won a playoff game. Going 16-0, 15-1, or 14-2 is obviously irrelevant. I don’t care if they’re 10-6, so long as they go undefeated in the playoffs. I love dominant teams, but these guys haven’t turned regular season dominance into playoff success in 6 fucking years. The Patriots have not won a playoff game in 3 years, and the last time they did, the game after was the worst sports loss of my life (the tragic events of February 3, 2008). In my view, Patriots fans should be celebrating our 5th Super Bowl win this year, but instead (as I said on Facebook last week), the Patriots seem to be evolving into the pre-2004 Red Sox; purveyors of constant heartbreak. Moving on…

There are still a lot of things I want (and need) to change about myself, but it’s always good when you realize that some things have improved.

Anyway, enough psychobabble, and here’s some other random stuff on my mind this week:

*Great news this week out of Hollywood. Warner Bros. made some official casting announcements with regards to Christopher Nolan‘s final Batman film, The Dark Knight Rises. It had previously been reported that Tom Hardy (a Nolan veteran from Inception) had been cast, but we didn’t know who he was playing. Well, as was expected, he will be one of the two villains in the film, and we now know that will be Bane. Equally as exciting is the news that the beautiful and talented Anne Hathaway will be playing Selina Kyle/Catwoman. I believe Hathaway is one of the 2 or 3 most talented actresses in her age range, and I love that she will now be a major part of a series of films I adore. She’s proven she’s a great actress, and she’s also proven she can be damn sexy (Get Smart). Needless to say, I greatly anticipate the first official shot of her in costume. I fully expect her to eclipse even the wonderful job Michelle Pfeiffer did in Batman Returns, much like Heath Ledger eclipsed Jack Nicholson‘s classic Joker from the 1989 Batman. And it’s a no-brainer that Tom Hardy’s Bane will shit all over that stupid thing we got in Batman & Robin. I have no idea how these two villains will be used in Nolan’s Batworld, I don’t know a damn thing about their backstories from the comics, and I’ll probably avoid any and all internet speculation along those lines. The film comes out July 20 next year, and that right now that 18 months seems like 50 years.

*There’s a new, full-length trailer for Scream 4 (or Scre4m as they’re frequently peddling it), and I just need to warn you that if you intend to see the movie, you need to avoid this trailer at all costs. I wish I had. It is the single most spoiler-filled trailer I have ever seen. It’s basically a highlight reel of all the jump scares and death scenes in the entire movie. Again, if you are even remotely interested in seeing Scream 4, do NOT watch the new trailer. It comes out in April, and I would advise avoiding all trailers and TV spots until you see it, if you’re at all interested in being surprised by anything that happens. Meanwhile, Dimension Films needs to find new marketing people.

*God help me, but I need to praise an actor for their humanitarian efforts. Mr. George Clooney, one of Hollywood’s biggest “join the cause” blabbermouths, has actually been backing up his talk recently with actions. He’s been one of those “Save Darfur/Rwanda” guys for a long time, and has actually spent a lot of time in Sudan this winter as part of the development of a program between Google and the UN to try and monitor the country via satellite imagery in order to prevent future acts of genocide. Turns out Clooney actually contracted malaria while he was he was over there (twice! as a matter of fact). All is well of course, but credit to him for not immediately running back to L.A. after getting sick. He’s certainly not faking his concern over these issues. Now, I don’t know if what he’s doing will actually make a lick of difference in the long run, but if he’s getting malaria, he’s obviously getting his hands dirty, and for that I commend him. Too bad Sudan’s population aren’t all multimillionaire celebrities who can afford to get immediate priority medical care. I for one would prefer to see Mr. Clooney and his ilk get involved with some domestic issues, but to each his own I suppose. As long as his trips over there aren’t taxpayer funded he can do what he pleases. [NY Daily News] [Clooney wrote THIS for the Huffington Post on the issue in December]

Actor Future Sudanese dictator George Clooney.

*OH, HAI, January Jones! I never thought of her as hot, but she looked goddamnedfantastic at the Golden Globes on Sunday. So kudos Ms. Jones. I’ve got my eye on you. This must be her month! (BA DUM BUM!) Who’s got two thumbs and lame puns? This guy!

 

*I want to add something to my “Things I Find Disturbing” list. I was reminded of it early this week when Apple released their massive earnings statements, which saw them bring in $26.7 billion in revenue and $6 billion in profits (both record highs for the company) over the holiday season. And goodie for them. I don’t have a problem with that. I have a problem with something else. I find it disturbing that no one will point out or openly accuse Apple of having a monopoly on the  mp3 player market. I’ve thought this for a long time. The iPod has no true competitor. Sure, you can pick from a limited amount of other devices that can play digital music on them. However, if you want any accessories, or any capability to use your mp3 player with external brands and products, you have only one option. As far as I know, the Zune is the second most popular mp3 player (which is kind of like saying Boston, New York is the second most popular Boston in America).

Other than basic things like a protective sleeve and a portable charger, there are next to no options for Zune accessories, nothing to compares with what you can do with any iPod. And no, Apple whores (who can smell from thousands of miles away whenever I criticize Apple products or practices), that’s not because the Zune isn’t worthy of accessorizing. I have an 80GB Zune, which I LOVE, and which I’ve had for more than 2 years now. I will keep it as long as it functions. But god forbid I want to use it outside of just in my ears, and I’m fucked. Try searching “Zune sound dock” and see what comes up. Next to nothing. Nothing of any quality, anyway. Meanwhile, every high-end audio company on Earth makes multiple iPod docks. You can connect an iPod to pretty much anything. I can unplug one from my computer, go to the bathroom, plug it into my shower, get out and plug it into my toothbrush, finish that and plug it into my fucking refrigerator while I eat breakfast, and then take it out to any new car, which are now all built with iPod connectivity. I would love a Bose sound dock for my Zune, but I ain’t gettin one anytime soon, am I? I’m pretty sure you can buy an iPod Nano for your dog, and dog collar makers are putting Nano docks in the collars. I believe Apple has a monopoly on mp3 player accessories and portability, which as a result forces new buyers to favor iPods above anything else. It’s just common sense. If you want to do something with an mp3 player other than walk around with headphones in your ears, you better buy an iPod. I’ve been holding out, but eventually, I will have to turn into a consumer zombie, buy an iPod and use the iTunes software as base camp for my music collection. I am not looking forward to this day.

Note to Apple whores: nowhere in the above did I say Apple makes an inferior product, or that the iPod isn’t worth buying. So spare me your defenses of the Once-Bitten Fruit Logo.

I’ve thought the same thing about ESPN for years. ESPN has a monopoly on nationalized sports coverage. Sure, Fox has local sports networks in most major markets, networks like NESN and YES can succeed in their one market, and all the major networks have sports divisions, but does anyone seriously believe someone could start up another national sports-only network on cable right now and succeed? Fuck no they couldn’t. It’d be impossible, because ESPN has been allowed to buy up the rights to cover pretty much EVERYTHING sports-related you could possibly think of. As such, how does ESPN not have a monopoly? If I want to watch a daily wrap-up of national sports news, what are my options other than SportsCenter? None. Nil. They don’t exist. If you’re an anti-trust lawyer, please explain to me where I’m going wrong. I must be in error somewhere, because I’ve literally heard NO ONE else bring this up, even media people who are often critical of ESPN. So I’m either way ahead of the curve or I’m totally out of the loop.

*And because I love posting these and have fun making them, here’s a couple more Black Ops Theater videos of my gameplay: First is 2 angles of an awesome Valkyrie rocket triple kill, followed by a sweet single kill. I may have to start using this as a killstreak more often.

Next is one of me putting a hot double sticky grenade kill on some campers on Havana. I particularly enjoy the first angle where the guy I stick the grenade to gets launched up against the table. LOLZ.

P.S. If you read my “Things I Find Disturbing” post, you saw at the end where I posted that ridiculous Lil’ Wayne lyric. Remember? I posted it intending to show just how UNinsightful these rappers are. I had just clicked on a random song from his newest album and found a stupid, insulting lyric (it didn’t take long). Well, two people (both girls) posted that exact quote on their Facebook pages this week, and it didn’t seem to be in jest. I don’t know how to react to this. Should it sadden me, or should I be laughing?


Archives

Top Rated