A Christmas Quickie

Merry Christmas all. Hope everyone has had a great day so far with families and loved ones. On my end, I’ll thank my mom for an awesome breakfast of scrambled eggs and cheese with some cinnamon rolls. My tastes are simple, but I do insist on quality.

This post is really just a bunch of random stuff that’s been on my mind this week that I wanted to purge, so apologies for the lack of a consistent theme or a structured format.

To get in the spirit of things, here are a few funny winter-themed pics I came across this week;


Snow Jabba is pretty much the coolest thing ever.


I took this myself while on a delivery last week. One word: overkill. Or 4 words: Your neighbors hate you.

It’s Time for a Bitchfest

You know what’s been grinding my gears for a long time? Some of the queer names parents are giving their children these days.

I’m hereby sending out a memo. Attention: world. Stop naming your girls Nevaeh (that’s Heaven backwards if you’re not hip). First of all, that’s an awful lot for a child to live up to, is it not? What, expectations aren’t high enough already? Life isn’t challenging enough? Second, she probably isn’t all that heavenly, is she? If we’re being honest. More likely, she’s actually destined to be an attention-whoring diva now thanks to that stupid, pretentious name you gave her. Third, stripper names should stay in the strip club. Most strippers have real names in the real world, so too should your child. If you name your daughter Nevaeh, what would you name your son? Lightattheendofthetunnel? Perfection? Mecca? Wait, nevermind, you already named him Jesus, didn’t you?

Immature kids names are a trend I’ve been slamming for years, but it seems to be getting worse instead of better. I can only say that I’m incredibly happy I’ll be dead when there are 70-year olds named Cody, Dakota, Tyler, Ryder, Hayley, Braden and Makayla walking the earth. In general, I’m happy I’ll be dead once technology has literally taken over human life. But with regards to the names, it’s yet more evidence that we have far too many unfit parents in our society. People, it’s real fuckin simple…give your kids names that they can still USE when they’re adults! Don’t give kids baby names. Babies grow up, you idiots. A person should be able to use their birth name through their entire life. It’s not, “Oh, well we’ll call him Taylor until he gets to high school, and then once he graduates, from that point on he’s Steven.” Other adults will have to say your child’s name with a straight face in order for him or her to get ahead in the world. Baby names are for your Chihuahua. You don’t name a human being CHASE. Or DESTINY. Are we on the same page here?

-Ya know what I respect? Girls who own normal-sized dogs. I think once you can fit a dog into your purse, it ceases being a dog. Right? That’s all I need to say about that. [Note: I could have gone much meaner here, but I have several female friends with tiny dogs, and you never know who’s reading.]

-While watching the Celtics-Magic game today, I kept getting annoyed every time I saw an interview with Dwight Howard. This guy is such a fraud it’s not even funny. He literally stole every single thing he does from Shaq. He calls himself Superman, which Shaq was doing 10-15 years ago. He tries to be funny and outgoing, and comes across very unnatural when doing so. Meanwhile, Shaq actually IS funny and doesn’t have to try in order to have a personality. Even Howard’s game is similar. He’s best known for his big dunks and for being a bad free throw shooter. Does that sound familiar? The only part of his game that I enjoy is his shot blocking, because I love great defensive basketball play. Other than that, Dwight Howard, you’re lame. Go away.

And here are a few links I’ve been wanting to share this week;

-WEEI’s Alex Speier estimates the Sox’s payroll in 2011 will be close to $180 million given how MLB structures payroll figures. I just had to swallow that vomit I was about to spew everywhere. I’m sorry, but if they don’t suffer any major injuries and don’t at least GET to the World Series, this is going to be a massively disappointing season. I hope every other Sox fan has their expectations bar set just as high.  [WEEI]

-ESPN’s Jayson Stark did his annual collection of strange and random factoids from this past baseball season. Always an entertaining read. [ESPN]

-The Douche Lord strikes again. LeBron James sold sponsorships to his upcoming 26th birthday party, and someone got hold of the PowerPoint presentation. I couldn’t even fathom being that self-centered, and if I had friends around me like he does who encourage him to do shit like this, I’d kill them. And I don’t mean “kill” in jest, like I’d be really, really mad. No, I’d MURDER them. But not LeBron. He can never have enough yes men. If you’re a musician, athlete, model, “affluent leader” or “savvy trendsetter”, go on down to Miami on December 30th and kiss LeBron and his friends’ asses.  Hell, even if you’re not in Miami, celebrate his royal Doucheness’ birthday anyway. It’s more important than New Year’s. [Business Insider]

Cool movie compilation video time! This is a countdown from 100 to 1 using clips from various movies.

I kinda like the new trailer for this Anthony Hopkins exorcism movie The Rite. However, I’m retaining a healthy level of skepticism. Haven’t there been far too many exorcism movies in the last 5 years? And will another one ever come close to The Exorcist? Probably not. But this one does look kinda interesting. I just worry that it won’t have anything new to offer, and it’ll rely solely on jump scares and possessed people doing freaky things, which we’ve seen before. Hopefully there’s a story and characters here to go along with the cool visuals. Also, it opens in January, which is  a month mostly reserved as the spot where studios dump their bad movies, or movies they couldn’t find any other place for on the release schedule. It’s right up there with September. If you’re a filmmaker, you do NOT want your movie opening in either of those months. Translation; I’ll probably wait for it on Netflix, but I will see it.

All I want for Christmas…is Katy Perry in a latex candy cane bodysuit!

Again, Merry Christmas everybody, and if you’re done with your family or you’re just plain bored, Christmas is one of the best days of the year to go out and see a movie. And there’s plenty of great stuff to see right now.

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